Eighty Schmeighty

Saturday August 2, 2014 was an 80th birthday party for our friend Bob Gardner -- that's him in the photo. His family (David, Wendy, Steve and their spouses) arranged a party in his backyard in London catered by Under the Volcano -- there was a Mexican theme with a Piñata for the kids, margaritas and more for the adults, funny hats and serapes for those who wished to join in. And funny T-shirts with Bob as a muscle man labelled "Eighty Schmeighty" that we all got to take home as souvenirs.

In honor of the occasion Kate and I composed/recycled a couple of tunes on melodies shamelessly lifted from others.

The first, in honor of the Mexican theme (and Bob's friend Merce who was visiting from Spain), is taken from She Never Spoke Spanish To Me made famous by Joe Ely and written by Butch Hancock. We were somewhat surprised that very few of the guests recognized the song but many did join in once a verse was out of the way. Our version, which documents a bit of Bob's life story, went like this:

Robert is a Loving One (apologies to Butch Hancock)

You say that you’re from Edmonton. Well, where’s your boots and where’s your gun?

He says he’s got guns no one can see [wink, wink]

Natives of the north agree, Bobbie is a friendly one.

But he never took X-rays of me.

He went to school in Montreal. He was handsome, he was tall.

Or at least that’s how the story goes.

Dames along the Main agreed, Robert [“Rrow-Bearr’] is a loving one.

But he never spoke Franglais to me.

He said to Janet “Marry me! We’ll be happy, wild and free”.

“I’ve got charms that no one else can see” [wink, wink]

She said to him “Vote NDP, I know that you’re a charming one,

...if you want to share those charms with me”.

They were married one fine morn. David, Wendy, Steve were born.

They left London for the Philippines.

All his progeny agree, Robert is a loving dad.

But he never threw the flannel at me.

“Silver Chief Dog of the North” - the only book he’s ever read.

But he wrote books that no one else can read.

All the Western Deans agree, Robert is a brilliant one.

But he never made much sense to me.

He travels for the kids you know. New York, Chicago and TO.

Then back home so he can teach some stats.

Then off to Spain to see Merce. She says “He’s a funny one”

“But he never speaks Spanish to me”.

He and Pat could carry on. Drink and party until dawn.

Jesus Murphy, they could at least stand up!

Even though he’s eighty now, Bob is still a lot of fun.

And he always seems ageless to me.

... But he never spoke Spanish to me!

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The second tune we thought would be familiar to more people. It's taken from "Yes, I Think They Oughta Name a Drink After You" and belabors the fact that Bob, although a retired professor, continues to teach graduate statistics.

Yes, we think they oughta name a stat after you! (apologies to John Prine)

Bob’s taught stats for most his life
The kids all think that he’s alright
He gives out B’s and maybe an A or two
He makes sure they know their stuff
Even when the going gets tough
And, yes, we think they oughta name a stat after you.

Gardner’s G! ... Bob’s Beta!

He’s had more grants than you can say
And grad students like Tremblay
Cindy Smythe worked for him too
He’s written programs in Fortan
That would daunt a lesser man
And, yes, we think they oughta name a stat after you.

Bob R Squared! .... No, Bob are round!

Analysis of Variance
Correlation coefficients
When he started out, they only had a few
Now they have GLM,
HLM and SEM
And, yes, we think they oughta name a stat after you.

R.G.M! ... B.O.B!

And, yes, we think they oughta name a stat after you....

Grandpa is Regressing!
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People got a good laugh out of our presentation of these songs. For those who missed the party, it was fun. You should have been there.

We are looking forward to Bob's next big day when we can sing these songs one more time. With feeling .... and pretend we're  18 all over again!